Rory: You know, it sucks that after all these years your mom still hates me.
Lane: She doesn't hate you.
Rory: She hates my mother.
Lane: She doesn't trust unmarried women.
Rory: You're unmarried.
Lane: I'm hayriding with a future proctologist. I have potential.

Lorelai: You'll have to walk faster than that. You're gonna have to turn into freakin' Flo Jo to get away from me.

Emily: Champagne, ladies?
Lorelai: Wow, that's fancy.
Emily: Well, it's not every day I have my girls over for dinner on a day that the banks are open.

Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz going?
Richard: Eh, people die, we pay. People crash cars, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.
Richard: How are things at the motel, Lorelai?
Lorelai: You mean the inn? Great.

Rory: So do you like cake?
Dean: What?
Rory: They make really good cakes here. They're very... round.
Dean: Okay, I'll remember that.
Rory: Good. Make a note. You wouldn't want to forget where the round cakes are.

Lorelai: Michel - the phone!
Michel: Yes. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them

Lorelai: This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.

Rory: You look happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: [suspiciously] Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

Rory: It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn't women? She says her feminism just kind of took over. Though personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much.

Rory: It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn't women? She says her feminism just kind of took over. Though personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much.

Lorelai: Please Luke! Please, Please, Please, Please!!!
Luke: How many cups have you had this morning?
Lorelai: None.
Luke: Plus?
Lorelai: Five. But yours is better.
Luke: You have a sickness.
Lorelai: Yes, i do.
Luke: Junkie
Lorelai: Angel. You've got wings baby.

Lorelai: Rory's not going to be a problem. She's totally low maintenance. You know, like a Honda!

Rory: I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
Lorelai: Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.

Paris: Lorelai Gilmore.
Louise: Nice stripper name.
Paris: Formerly of Stars Hollow High School.
Louise: Where's that?
Paris: Drive west, make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows.
Louise: Ooh, a Dixie Chick.

Rory: I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day?
Lorelai: It's shorter?

Miss Patty: Ladies, what do I see. Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil.

Lorelai: Well, we like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?

Lorelai: That's the last time I buy anything just because it's furry!

Luke Danes: I can give you herbal tea and a Balance bar.
Lorelai Gilmore: Please, please, please tell me you're kidding.
Luke Danes: [walking away] I'm kidding.

Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.