Sam: [to Austin] You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn't come here to yell at you, okay? I came to tell you, I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was. But not anymore. And the thing is, I don't care what people think about me... because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college... it's you that I feel sorry for... I know that the guy who sent those emails is somewhere down inside of you, but i can't wait for him, because waiting for you is like waiting for rain this drought: usless and dissapointing!

Sam: Maybe this whole relationship is just better off in cyberspace.

Sam: [narrating] It was the kind of place where diet was a four letter word, and grease came at no additional charge.

Fiona: [to Sam] There's something I've always wanted to tell you: you're not very pretty, and you're not very bright. Glad we had this talk.

Fiona: [to Sam] People go to school to get smarter, so that they can get a job. You already have a job, so it's like skipping a step.

Sam's Dad: Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

Austin: Do you know what bugs me?
Sam: People taking your order?
Austin: No. taking people's orders.
Sam: Why would you have to do that?

Austin: Ever feel like if you show somebody who you really are, they wont except you?
Sam: Yeah I do, like who you are is isn't good enough.
Austin: Yeah S
am: Like your wearing a mask?
Austin: That's exactly how I feel!
Sam: Like you just want to tell the person it's me, I'm the one you've been looking for.
Austin: Yeah.
Sam: Austin, I'm....
Fiona: Sam! Now!
Sam: Wait I'm busy.
Austin: No it's fine. I got to bounce. [gets up to leave] Oh. Thanks

Austin: You need a wax.
Sam: Excuse me?
Austin: [laughs] I meant the car.

Sam: Don't you know who I am?
Austin: Of course I do. You're Princeton Girl. You're the girl I've been waiting to meet. I know exactly who you are! What's your name?

Austin: You're not a guy, right? 'Cause if you are I'll kick your butt.
Sam: [chuckles] I am not a guy.

Sam: Austin? What are you doing?
Austin: Something I should have done a long time ago.
[he kisses her, it starts to rain, they both look up]
Austin: Sorry I waited for the rain.
Sam: It's okay.

Sam: So... Who'd you guys pay to make your cars so dirty?
Brianna: Excuse me? Like, what are you, the Dirt Police?
Gabriella: [laughs] Yeah! The Dirt Police! Like, excuse me miss, do you know how fast your dirt was going?
Brianna: You should've stopped at the Dirt Police.

Austin: Shelby, we really need to talk... privately.
Shelby: Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my peeps.
Austin: Okay. I want to break up.

Carter: Have no fear! Zorro is here! And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes!

Austin: What up, guys?
David: What up.
Ryan: Sorry about your costume you lost, Austin.
Austin: It's all good, my friends.
David: No, it's not all good, bro. Now we don't get to be the Three Musketeers. You get to be Prince Charming, and we're the two wimps in wigs.
Austin: [laughs]

Austin: [after Brianna and Gabriella both tell him that they're his mystery girl] Ladies, ladies, I can solve this very easily. The girl I'm looking for lost something. What was it?
Gabriella: Oh that's easy! A wallet!
[Austin gives her a weird look]
Gabriella: I mean a purse... um... a wallet-purse.
Austin: [succinctly] No.
Brianna: Ooh, I know! A fish!

District Attorney: I'm the County District Attorney. Have you ever seen this before, Mrs. Montgomery?
[he shows Fiona Hal's will]
Fiona: I've NEVER seen that before!
District Attorney: Isn't this your signature on the witness line?
Fiona: I've NEVER seen my husband's hidden will before.
District Attorney: I'm afraid you're gonna have to come downtown with me, ma'am.

Austin: I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone... Then I think of you.

David: [Austin is sticking ads everywhere to find his Cinderella] Dude, why are you going through all this trouble for one chick?
Austin: Look, she's not just some chick, all right? She was real.
Ryan: Real? Like, she still had her old nose?
Austin: No, real. The kind of girl who has more on her mind than what she wears, or how much weight she wants to lose. She listens to me.
David: Listens to you? Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay? I feel your pai...
[gets distracted by a girl passing by, then talks to the girl]
David: ...Hello, kitty!
Austin: Yeah, you're a great listener.
David: Well...
Ryan: Look, man, you found her cellphone. You just gotta get some clue from that.
Austin: The phone's locked. All I keep getting's these text messages like, "I need you", and "Come see me now."
David: Oh dude, that's so hot.
Austin: See, that's what I thought. Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer".
David: Oh, dude, that's hot AND kinky, baby! You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.
Austin: [looks at David disapprovingly]