Juno Quote
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Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are.
Good mood. Bad mood. Ugly. pretty. handsome.
The right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass
that’s the kind of person worth sticking with.
Juno Quote
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Juno: Get a whiff of those sparkling topnotes!
Juno Quote
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Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.
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Juno: [yelling through the house] Uh, dad?
Mac: Yeah?
Juno: Either I just peed my pants… or…
Mac: [stops what he's doing and looks up] “Or”…?
Juno: Or… THUNDERCATS ARE GO!
Juno Quote
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Vanessa: What’s wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno: I’m not crying. I’m just allergic to fine home furnishing.
Juno Quote
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Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?
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Bren: I have sacrificed a lot for you, Juno, and when you move out I’m getting Weimaraners!
Juno: Whoa, dream big!
Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!
Juno Quote
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Juno: Listen, Bren-duhhh, you’re acting like you’re the one who has to go through this and get huge and shove a baby out of your vag for someone else. What does it even matter if Mark’s married? I can have friends that are married.
Bren: It doesn’t work that way, kiddo. You don’t know squat about the dynamics of marriage.
Juno: You don’t know anything about me!
Bren: I know enough.
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Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno: Nah, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?
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Mark: Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno: She gave you your own room in…in your whole house? For your…for your stuff? Wow, she’s got you on a long leash, Mark.
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Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus’ wife.
Mark: Zeus’ wife?
Juno: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I’m pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean…kind of like Diana Ross.
Mark: That suits you.
Juno: …thanks?
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Juno: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno: [aghast] Madison? Isn’t that kind of… I don’t know, gay?
Juno Quote
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Mac: What’s that thing?
Vanessa: It’s a pilates machine.
Mac: What do you make with it?
Vanessa: Oh…you don’t make anything with it, it’s for exercise.
Juno Quote
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Ultrasound Technician: Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?
Leah: Yes!
Juno: No!
Leah: Pleease, Juno, please!
Juno: No, there will be no sex!
Ultrasound Technician: Planning to be surprised when you deliver?
Juno: Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised and if you tell me I’ll just, like, ruin everything.
Ultrasound Technician: Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?
Juno: No, no, no. They’re the adoptive parents.
Ultrasound Technician: Oh, well thank goodness for that!
Bren: What’s that supposed to mean?
Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it’s obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.
Juno: How do you know I’m so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?
Leah: Or, like, stage parents.
Bren: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they’ll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?
Ultrasound Technician: I guess not.
Bren: What is your job title exactly?
Ultrasound Technician: I’m an ultrasound technician, ma’am.
Bren: Well, I’m a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.
Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?
Bren: Oh, you think you’re so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she’s not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don’t you go back to night school in Mankato and learn a real trade.
Juno: Bren! Use a dick! I love it!
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Leah: [at Juno’s ultrasound test] Dude, that thing looks freaky.
Juno: Hey, I am a sacred vessel; all you’ve got in your stomach is Taco Bell.
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Vijay: You should grow a mustache.
Paulie: I can’t.
Vijay: Me neither.
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Vanessa: You think you’re really going to do this?
Juno: Yeah, I like you guys. If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I’m guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.
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Gerta Rauss: …So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno: SSSHHIT! YES! Close it up!
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Juno: Can’t we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?
Mark: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
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Juno: Oh, wicked pic in the PennySaver, by the way. Super classy — not like those people with the fake woods in the background. Honestly, who do they think they’re fooling?
Vanessa: You found us in the PennySaver?