Ryan: Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be a hundred. But I read this article which said Social Security is supposed to run out by the year 2025, which means people are gonna have to stay in their jobs until they're 80. So I don't wanna commit to anything too soon.

Marissa: Who are you?
Ryan: Whoever you want me to be.
Marissa: No, seriously, who are you?
Ryan: Seriously? I stole a car. Crashed it. Actually, my brother did. Since he had a gun and drugs on him, he's in jail. I got out, then my mom threw me out. She was pissed off... drunk. And Mr. Cohen took me in.
Marissa: You're their cousin from Boston, right?
Ryan: Right.

Seth: (to Ryan) Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty cool. You can like, steal cars and... not that that's cool. Or uncool. I don't know... um...

Random Woman: Did I hear you were from Canada?
Ryan: Yes, you did.

Seth: (to Ryan) Summer's right over there. Look. Oh, stop, don't look. But, I mean you can look, but don't look like you're looking.

Ryan: Way to salt his game, Mr. Cohen.

Seth: Oh wow, I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock. In case there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.

Seth: You guys really wouldn't hurt me. Because that would be so clichéd. (They pick him up). Oh, I guess you're fans of the cliché.

Luke: Welcome to the O.C., bitch. This is how it's done in Orange County.

Sandy: So, I thought we'd head out to the fashion show at around seven.
Seth: Yeah, okay. Have fun.
Sandy: Come on. It's a whole new school year, Seth.
Seth: It's also the same kids, Dad. Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day's a fashion show for these people.
Sandy: Yeah, well, Ryan has to go. Marissa invited him.
Seth: (to Ryan) Marissa invited you? I've lived next door to Marissa since, like, forever. Her dad almost got married to my mom even, and, like, she's never even invited me to a birthday.
Sandy: That is not true. They did not almost get married.
Ryan: Hey, maybe Summer will be there.
Seth: That's interesting. She is Marissa's best friend. 7:00?

Seth: You remember the meatloaf incident of '98?
Kirsten: That was brisket.
Seth: Yeah, that's my point exactly.

Ryan: I'm not too popular around here. And your boyfriend? A little angry.
Marissa: Oh and you're telling me you didn't try to hit him back?
Ryan: Actually, I hit him first.
Marissa: Well, hard to believe you're not more popular.

Luke: Shut up, queer.
Seth: Well, at least I don't shave my chest.
Luke: What did you just say?
Seth: I just said you look good in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.

Ryan: You know what I like about rich kids? [punches Luke] Nothing.

Sandy: The minute you were born I knew that I would never take another easy breath again without knowing that you were safe.
Seth: So, I'm like asthma?

Sandy: Well, I should be off. Gotta find the next kid to jeopardize the community. Maybe a black kid. Or an Asian kid.

Ryan: I used to want to be an architect.
Kirsten: And what do you want to be now?
Ryan: Seventeen.
Kirsten: Me too.

Dawn: I'm an embarrassment to my son.
Kirsten: Welcome to my world.

Kirsten: Seth, we need to talk to Ryan.
Seth: Okay. If this has to do with the rug, though, I just wanted to tell you that Ryan had nothing to do with it.
Kirsten: What about the rug?
Seth: I'm gonna go now.

Seth: Dude. You're a Cohen now. Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.